Mid-week notes:
The root of all pain is within you & so is the root of all healing.
This is great news!
Recap from last week: Practicing sitting in stillness and coming into our bodies/energy centres. Becoming aware of and exploring the space and the objects that arise within it (sound, physical sensations, emotions, thoughts), inside + outside… aka - CONTRASTS.
If we’re feeling anything less than peace and spaciousness, there will be some kind of contracted energy within us: a negative emotion, a conditioned energy, resistance, fear, an old wounding/trauma, a painful/untrue belief about ourself or the world etc.
Ego is not wrong or bad or something we need to suppress, get away from or kill. It is ‘worried love’, outdated programming to keep us safe only. Made at a time when we needed it and simply now, we no longer do. Now it only limits and inhibits us. We just need to make some space on our hard-drive and allow the upgrade/update all our inner protection apps!
Only ego contradicts/judges ego. Peace doesn’t move or think, let alone judge! So when you notice self-judgement, thank it for trying to protect you and notice the physical sensations of the body, the space or both. Self judgement keeps the pattern even more strongly in place!
We have always known, deep down, that what we are is beyond this form, with it’s nationality, gender, age etc related identities - so what are we really? Spending time in expanded awareness (noticing the spaces/stillness, silence) we get to know the reality of ourselves beyond the mind and build up those neural pathways towards more openess, peace, natural Beingness, beyond our thinking mind.
From this spaciousness, we are in a better position to:
A) Notice a triggered energy arising in more detail, the subtleties (and perhaps not react as much/become as identified).
B) To eventually heal it.
When we open to this space however, all our ‘stuff’ rises up to say hello which can feel super overwhelming! So bit by bit we learn how to meet and heal these energies. These energies cannot heal themselves. They need our awareness/consciousness to heal. So they will keep coming up until we can finally recognise, listen to and help them.
Another way to say this, is that we learn how to get our minds out of the way and to let this very natural healing process happen by itself.
This is not simple as we have been conditioned out of ‘being’ with them openly, compassionately and respectfully. Which is what is needed for them to dissolve.
Conditioning is not simple, it is a very multi-layered, intricate process. It is an automated process and so no-one is really to blame for actions they had no real power over. We’re totally asleep until we’re not.
We did not choose to be conditioned or to condition others. The energies simply arise in the wide open space that we are. If we believe them, are identified with them, which we have been deeply trained to do, we will continue to act out the same pattern unconsciously. All we can do is whenever we can, choose to notice the reality of what is happening and to put our attention on our inner disturbances, with a certain attitude, helping them to heal.
Whenever we are triggered, often we notice our thoughts first and get lost in thinking. This is why we follow the anchor line from the thought boat, through the emotional layer to the physical sensation in the body.
This is healing the root cause. When the physical sensation is released, the emotions and thoughts will be released also. Watch as you become lighter and kinder within and to yourself, as these energies are released.
Reversed cause + effect is the true of the order of reality. We are never really victims of our reality (although it can feel very real and healthy boundaries in challenging situations are vital) and nothing is ever really done to us. We have conditioned energies/beliefs/past wounds inside us (our lifetime school curriculum) and these energies attract/create our life situations. Our job is to heal these energies and beliefs inside so that these challenging situations can clear up peacefully or disappear completely.
Again When I say we are not victims, I don’t mean be a punch-bag. Healthy boundaries are compassionate to you and the other. They are aligned, true action. No is very welcome. Be firm in this with all your inner and outer disturbances.
Notice the sensations in your body when you say these words to yourself. Say them at different moments in the day and notice the energy in your body when you contemplate them and how they feel for you:
- Allow, Welcome, Acceptance. Respect, Curiosity -
Allow all here present in you now to simply be here and notice what it is in you that is not allowing - is it a thought? Eg. “I can’t feel this” “This is too much” It will never go/end” “ This is hopeless” “I want this to go/end”, or is it a fear energy? A frustration?
Welcome all who visit, ask them to your table for tea. Thank them for coming.
What is it like to fully accept this pain? To surrender to the present moment reality, here-ness of it? To let it the reality of it fully land.
Show your respect, to your body and all your guests - Take a deep bow as to an honoured visiter. Respect and reverence are so resonant to our True Nature. It’s why we relax and feel alive and connected in nature and certain holy spaces.
Be playfully curious, what is this energy really? Here and now, in my direct experience? This energy that has caught me out so often, has such a huge affect on my body and behaviour, my life. Ask it directly, “What are you?” Notice how it moves, vibrates, contracts, like tracking a wild animal on safari.
This practice is a type of body-mind (quite physical) reconditioning towards natural open-ness. It’s why it also takes practice :) Another way to say it would be a reminding and remembering of what we are and what we are not. And yet another way is summed up by the beautiful words of Rumi below. For when we dissolve that which we are not, our natural love, joy and peace can’t help but flow once more, unhindered.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ―Rumi
We can’t escape the banana peels! No-one is immune! When the unconscious becomes conscious, as one of my teachers Adyashanti puts it, “You gotta hope it’s quick and there’s not too many folk around” ;) You are not alone, we are all on this journey together. Be as kind, gentle, allowing and supportive to yourselves and each other as possible.